wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i now understand why vodka
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
