just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
