she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need water and some morals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize