I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
