I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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