normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
