Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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