I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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