I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
