shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
