is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
