i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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