I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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