hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
