We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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