Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
