Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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