I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
