she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
