dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
