Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
