I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
