my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
