someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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