I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
