I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
