Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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