last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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