I hate your face
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
