I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
