if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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