they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
