I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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