I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize