The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was like eating out sand paper
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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