Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
