He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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