i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
