you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
