He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
