The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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