i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
