By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
