This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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