i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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