oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
