I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
