I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize