I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
