I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
