im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
