Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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