I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
