Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
