I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So vagazzling was a success
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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