Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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