ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
