Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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