If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
