new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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