if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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