No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I looked at my own cervix.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
