how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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