Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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