i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
