ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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