i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
