she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm always down for nudity.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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