Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize