there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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