Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
