I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
