I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
