apparently the secret to your success is patron
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
